Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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