There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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