Fuck appropriateness.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
