Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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