I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
