...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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