I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
