OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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