i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
