So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
