I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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