drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
