I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
