Non-Jews are for practice
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
