Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
