when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
