Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
