in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
