i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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