honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
