If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
