I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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