the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
