All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
