Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
