remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
