honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
