Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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