if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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