drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
