Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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