my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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