I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
