Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
