I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
