Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
