Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
