Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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