If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
