I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
