can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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