I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
