ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
