How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
