All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
