Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
