He is an equal opportunity slut.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
