What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sext me about skeletons
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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