where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
