Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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