ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
