so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
