guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
