I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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