The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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