checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize