dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
