i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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