I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
