I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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