Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
