I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
