Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
