too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy