my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on