took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...