How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban