I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.