omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.