the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
