I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize