guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
